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Old 08-01-2011, 05:13 PM
Mango Mango is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
Question Jealousy without possessiveness

Hi, I'm struggling with jealousy issues a bit at the moment and could use some outside opinions from people who don't know me or the other people in question.

I've never really felt jealous in a poly situation before, as I'm not at all possessive of my partner. Poly has always meant her (as my primary partner) being with other people as well as me, not instead of me. When she wants things that I don't want, I have never felt anything other than glad when she finds other people to do those things with so I don't have to worry about it.

Except now I've ended up in a situation where she wants the same things I want, but she doesn't want them with me. There are certain things I'd only really want to do with her, but she only wants to do with other people.

I've ended up feeling, I think, jealous of those people. I don't begrudge her those other interactions at all, I don't want to keep her all to myself. I just wish it wasn't them instead of me, as it makes me feel completely rejected and deficient and massively insecure.

I don't know how to deal with this (mostly as it's very new to me), and I'm not even sure whether it's a reasonable reaction to the situation or not. Anyone have any similar experiences or advice?
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