Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
I'd say some imaginative rehearsing would go a long way to figuring out how things would feel. Spend time imagining what would happen and see how that feels.
When I dig at the bottom of all the feelings of insecurity and a priori jealousy these mental rehearsals create, I always find the same underlying fear; I fear that someone I love might not hold me in as high regard and may not respond to my feelings with equal intensity.
So deep down, I'm just selfish. I see love relationships as investments and wonder whether I am getting my due returns. Instead of this selfish and calculating attitude, I try to cultivate the sincere wish for all beings to achieve the fullness of joy, and a commitment to help them achieve that in which ever way I can. I try to drill it into my thick skull that truly loving someone means you seek their happiness before your own.
Imagining the worst case scenario and then taking it apart and looking at what is really so terrifying about it, what am I really so afraid of, is how I prep for my relationships.
"Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems the root of our spiritual disease."
"In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper - list people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry."
"In most cases it was found out that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. We were sore, burnt-up." Alcoholics Anonymous, 64-65.