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Old 07-31-2011, 09:37 PM
abejita abejita is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 7
Unhappy finding this very difficult right now

a few months ago, my boyfriend and i (we are in a poly relationship) began to hook up with two friends of ours that are in a relationship (mono as of right now). one of them decided that that sort of thing wasn't for her, so of course, we cut it off (where's the fun and happiness if one person is not feeling good about it?). the person in the other relationship and i have always had a connection, and those experiences together definitely deepened it.

we have developed serious feelings for each other but have not been able to do anything about it. we have not had the consent of the other person in this relationship that it would be ok if we did so. i have been helping him through this, giving him advice on how to explain things to her, reassure her, get through this as best as we all can. we have been taking baby steps.

over the weekend, he told her he has feelings for me, and she's not taking it well. she has told him that they cannot hang out with us (my bf and i) until the feelings go away (if only it were that easy...) and if he can't make them go away, she has threatened to leave him. i have not been able to talk much to him, and she isn't responding to me. this hurts because i love them both very much. as individuals and as a couple. she is one of my closest friends. i can't help but feel guilty about how threatened and sad she must feel. i know that she needs time. it's only been a few days. i keep trying to tell myself that, but i hate imagining her sad and anxious at home.

this is also my first time i have reached out to someone since my bf and i decided that poly was the best fit for us. and the situation is very messy. i guess i'm searching for some advice on how to talk to her, advice i could give him, whatever comments that may help this situation. or maybe just some reassurance that we have done the right thing because i am finding myself second guessing it. i am afraid that through this i am going to end up losing both, and that would destroy me for a while.
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