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Old 07-31-2011, 12:24 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 758

Hi! I wanted to stop by b/c Fibro and MS sometimes mimic symptoms. I had a tenative MS diagnosis before I got the fibro diagnosis. With this in mind:

Educate yourself and your partner. It sounds like he wants to be supportive and you aren't sure how to let him do that. It makes sense as this somewhat new. Sure you've been dealing with the symptoms, but now you know why and have an idea of what's to come.

In my experience, the more I pushed Karma out. Tried to hide him from the worst of it, the more upset he got. He loves me and wants to help and wants to understand. The more I released control, the better things got. Your spouse can be your biggest ally in a diagnosis like this. They see what you go through, so when you go to a dr or the ER, they can be your voice when you can't be. If you are cutting him out of that you are short changin both of you.

I can understand how him speaking with other women while you are in the hospital or home recovering can be hard. Here you are sick and most like in pain and emotionaly hurting and it seems like he doesn't care.

But from another side, Karma just needed to get away from it sometimes. He needed to vent to someone. He needed to not be responsible. Doesn't make him a bad guy, it makes him human. In looking for an escape, he found love and we are where we are now. But the point is, that while it is hurtful, believe me I understand, he's human as well. He may feel that venting to you is unfair. You didn't ask for it, so how is it fair to dump those feelings on you?

If you're like me you want to vent too, and being able to do that with your spouse can be healing. But they need to know it's okay. It took awhile to convince Karma that I hated fibro as much as he did and I wasn't going to break if I heard him say it.

I know emotions are raw right now, but I've found a relief in Karma dating. We have enough communication that if I need him to cancel a date he will. But usualy I can handle being home on my own and I find a bit of the weight on my shoulders lifted, knowing that someone else can go out and have fun with him. Someone else is there to do for him what I cannot. I choose to see it as gift instead of a loss.

Right now things are so new, he probably has no idea what you need. It really does help to talk about it with eachother. Sometimes we think we are helping by removing ourselves and in that removing the burden on our spouse, but most of the time by doing that we take away one of the purest forms of love they can give. I learned its not up to me to decide what Karma can handle. We're partners on this path of life. So I need to trust him to know what he can handle.
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