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Old 07-30-2011, 10:14 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083
Default Prepping for poly - how?

In another thread, I wrote:
"I gotta wonder why people sign up for polyamory when they cannot handle their partners having feelings for others."

Perhaps my remark was a bit callous -- but maybe not. I know that oftentimes we can't really know the emotional impact of our decisions in advance, and I'm a solo person pursuing poly on my own, so maybe I just cannot relate to the idea of opening up a marriage or relationship, which seems to be the prevailing situation of most posters who come here torn up over consequences from choosing to live polyamorously.

However, since I posted that comment, it got me thinking about how one can prepare to immerse themselves in a practice and relationship structure that goes against the grain of how we've been taught in society to live. How can we prepare ourselves to be loving and happy when the ones we love also love others? Is it even possible to prepare for it? Or is it something we just have to keep working toward? Will we eventually reach a state where we become unruffled by it and are totally compersive? I know it does come easily for many poly peeps, but again, I wonder why so many people agree to poly when they really don't want to see their partner in love with someone else.

Sadly, I'm sure that many poly situations that had much potential for happiness and success end because the parties couldn't handle their emotional reactions to multi-partner loving. So, I hope this makes sense as an inquiry, but I'm wondering...

How many of the most successful poly tangles have become that way from a foundation of reading, discussing, extensive soul-searching, and a dedication to self-knowledge beforehand, and how many of them had to overcome devastation and save themselves from drowning because they jumped into the deep end of the pool without much forethought or preparation beforehand?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-30-2011 at 10:48 PM.
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