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Old 07-30-2011, 09:44 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
I didn't have any real clue how hard it could be to love 2 men and keep everyone happy. I guess one of my biggest problems is it isn't my job to keep everyone happy. I just don't know how to let go of that feeling.
Yes, this is probably the most important realization to have. Each of you are 100% responsible for your own happiness, and to conduct yourselves with respect for everyone, and to treat each other the way you want to be treated. Seething with anger as your husband is doing, or running out of the room to cry just to protect him from seeing how you really feel, is not a healthy way to live. Nor is it respectful to your own inner processes.

You don't want to blame anyone else, but it is very apparent that your husband is the one who has dropped the ball when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship with YOU. Therapy for both of you could help. He needs to stop throwing his hands up and claiming to be clueless about what's wrong, and start looking at how he operates in relationship. Furthermore, he needs to stop reacting angrily to your crying. You need to feel safe to be yourself in your own home.

Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
J and her had sex with out him. Hubby still has not forgiven him for this. It was a life time ago . . .
This only reveals just how possessive he is. We can't own our loved ones.

I won't say anymore -- I don't want you to feel like I'm haranguing you. I wish you all the best.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-30-2011 at 10:46 PM.
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