Originally Posted by nycindie
It is extremely sad that you must go and hide in another room to feel your feelings. Your husband sounds quite immature emotionally and is being irrational, dictatorial, and possessive toward you and in what he wants. I hope he reads this! You should not feel that telling him you fell in love with his friend was "stupid." You were being honest and straightforward. He apparently would rather put blinders on and enjoy sport sex than deal with human emotions.
All the turmoil you are going through is not your fault. It is your husband's for not allowing you to be yourself, and for thinking he owns you and has a right to tell you what you can and cannot feel. You fell in love. That happened because you and J. simply had a connection -- you didn't fall in love on purpose to hurt your husband. If I were SunDrop, I would wonder if he was just using me to get back at you.
Perhaps you should start looking at your relationship with J., your bf, as your primary and let go of thinking that your marriage will ever be the same. Unless and until your husband stops being a brat, I don't see how it can ever be healthy again.
I appreciate all of the support I get on here. I would like to address a couple of things about this post. I don't HAVE to go in the other room to cry but I know not seeing it makes it easier on H. H might be emotionally immature I don't know. I do know his family was not normal and he has had some issues with emotions and communication because of it. I feel SunDrop is having the same type of issues for the same reasons.
One of his long term relationships in the past had problems when he, J and her had sex together. From this J and her had sex with out him. Hubby still has not forgiven him for this. It was a life time ago and J was a much different person back then.
I can't lay all of the responsibility on him for our problems though. I know I'm not perfect. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that H LOVES sundrop unconditionally and fully. I can not picture our life with out her. She is family now. I worry that it won't be a healthy relationship but I will not give up. He said something the other night that he feels stupid sometimes because he never knows there is something wrong with our relationship until I say something about it. I have thought about Sundrop being his primary and J being mine but how does someone transition into something like that. I think it would make H happier and would make sundrop feel better too. I know J would like it and I am sure I could pull it off because that is basically how it feels now. I knew this life style would be hard but I didn't have any real clue how hard it could be to love 2 men and keep everyone happy. I guess one of my biggest problems is it isn't my job to keep everyone happy. I just don't know how to let go of that feeling.