communicate, communicate, communicate...
Ultimately you're on the right path here. Any idiot can talk about the weather or things that are inconsequential, but to put one's self out there and talk to those we love about the things that we find frightening is at best very difficult. At worst, we just bottle it up or try to talk it thru with folks we trust but not the ones with whom we have the issues. I too have been poly my whole life but I've only really come to terms with it within the last 10 years or so. The key was some very VERY scary conversations with my wife.
There are not words to describe how much fear is there when talking about things that are potential relationship enders. Polyfidelity is certainly one of those topics, but here's the rub: after those conversations we felt much closer to one another than before. The information was very scary and hard to deal with but the act of talking it thru and taking risks was worth the effort. keep trying and above all else constantly question yourself about your true inner feelings. often we convince ourselves we feel one way when in reality we're just masking the truth from ourselves out of fear it will make us look bad to our loved ones or even ourselves. The only real salve is to talk talk tak.
One thing that you can be sure of though, you will always find a friendly ear here.