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Old 07-30-2011, 07:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Do i want polyfi? no. do I think this couple is worth trying? Yes and our being with other people is very sporadic so I wouldnt want to pass on them when I have been wanting intimacy beyond friendship.
There is no such thing as trying -- you either do or you don't, and commit yourself wholeheartedly to whatever you choose. That doesn't mean you can't put a time limit on it. I would say, if you feel they are worth such an agreement, then everyone get together and discuss what poly-fi means to them, be clear about boundaries, and only agree to living poly-fi for a set amount of time (say, six months), at which time you will revisit the discussion and see if everyone is happy, and whether or not you want some adjustments made in your established boundaries.

I will say this: it wouldn't be worth it to me if they only want poly-fi out of being insecure. If they are using that structure as a form of protection because deep down they really just can't handle poly and "sharing" partners, I would see that as a red flag about their emotional security/maturity. If they want it just because it just feels most comfortable to them to devote their attentions to a limited number of partners and/or they eventually hope to be fluid-bonded with you two, that seems to be a much more tenable situation. Don't fail to ask them why they want it, and to dig down deep to understand where they are on this point.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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