View Single Post
  #14  
Old 10-21-2009, 07:09 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,290
Default

Now that there are a number of replies-I feel like it's reasonable to put in some two cents to lead to more conversation about it.

When Maca told me he intended to start this thread he said he really wanted to know how other people deal with affection between their significant other and someone else. Almost "ideas" of options, because this is so new to him.

Yes C and I do respect that this is a difficult transition for him. But there have been issues.

Maca specifically addressed sex and kissing here-but neither C or I have any interest in exposing Maca to seeing us have sex for any number of reasons and we haven't kissed in front of him either nor do we feel a need.

However-as RP noted she reserves privacy for those things not only with Mono but also with her husband-that is not the case here. Maca in the past has made it a point to do anything and everything he can in front of C. (I believe as a way of saying "see this is mine").
Maca and I are quite affectionate publicly and that includes in front of C. C has never expressed any issue with this-but sometimes it does bother me. I feel like he's getting the shaft so to speak.

Additionally if I sit on the couch and put my head on C's lap-that bothers Maca, if I give him a hug it also bothers Maca if he deems it as lasting to long. It isn't JUST "sexual" affection that causes tension-it's any affection. Even when I say I love you-it causes a tension.

NOW-dont get me wrong-this dynamic change in our relationship is only a few weeks old. I am not complaining about what we have accomplished so far. It's great.
But we were talkign in the tub about my frustration in not knowing what I can or can't do in front of Maca, and that since this dynamic change my time with C has actually decreased.

We do have the mornings, but as I've said I also homeschool my kids and most of my morning is tied up with the kids. We enjoy working together with them, but that isn't alone time.
C and I don't get alone time. Maca and I do. C or Em will babysit so that Maca and I can go out to dinner or on a date and we always sleep together at night-ALWAYS. SO we do get alone time.

But Maca isn't comfortable with C and I having a date or going out together on our own. So C and I do not get time without the kids for ourselves. That is a bit of a struggle.

Anyway-thoughts from here would be great for both of us-as we are trying to find our common ground and could use some more suggestions and ideas to contemplate in our progression!

Thanks!!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote