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Old 10-21-2009, 06:31 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Honey honey honey.

Wow do you sound like my husband sounded.
I'm poly-I have been my whole life.
Lots of people don't get this-but let me try to explain it the clearest way I can and see if you can take that and work with it.

I have 3 bio kids-1 step kid and a godson.
I love ALL of them 100%. There is NO competition. I don't love my bio kids more and I don't love my stepson more and I don't love my godson more. I love every one of them with "all of heart" as they say. But the reality is that mathematically anyone who finished 3rd grade knows that "all" of something can't be given 5 times right?

Except love does NOT fit math and math does NOT fit love. I DO love all of them that way-every minute of every single day.

I also dearly love my husband 100% and I dearly love my bf 100%. I have loved bf for 16 (almost 17 years) and my husband for 11....

Neither love takes anything from the other.

The ONLY thing that caused anything to be "taken away" was when stepson tried to compete because he wanted to be "the best" "the favorite" and he lost. Because HE was demanding something unfair.
Same happened to husband. When he demanded that I could only love him-he lost, because A. it's not true and B. he was being selfish and unfair.

I didn't punish them. They punished themselves. By allowing their own issues of self-worth to bring them down they punished themselves. Had they opened themselves to me they would have found an endless amount of love and reassurance, but they both held back and suffered in the silence of their own judgment and insecurity.

Now-hubby has figured out that when he does open himself to the possibility I have more ability to care for him and his feelings-because I'm not endlessly defending the core truth of who I am.

It's not an easy concept for someone in your shoes. I do understand that having watched so many struggles in him over the years. But it will do you in good stead to read through a bunch of the posts on here. Heck-mono and maca are both good posters to start with.
Try to understand-what is perfectly normal to you-is NOT perfectly normal to all of us-some of us simply can't be what you think means loving you. It's impossible. That doesn't make us heartless or uncaring or unconcerned about your feelings-it makes us different then you.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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