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Old 07-30-2011, 04:24 AM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192

Thanks River. I don't get it.

I will say that I did have another relationship end and X was real loving about how that unwound. It helps that she didn't choose to end it; but her husband instead rolled back the open door. So, I guess she was hurting as much as I was in this case.

I have found that one partner doesn't and can't make up for the another. Having someone you care for exit your life or change the way you relate is painful because of that particular relationship dynamic is special.

Is that really a new concept? If you have three best friends, doesn't losing one suddenly hurt just as bad as if he/she was your only bestie? Isn't that the analogous? Same with kids. No one would tell an upset parent that she shouldn't be so sad that her adult child has stopped talking to her because she's got another one that still does. The parent-child bond is stronger, more visceral to be sure. But...

I know LL is a kind, generous and caring person. So, I am especially thrown by the way it went down. I can only speculate that she was trying to minimize any guilty feelings she had for the decision itself but also the secrecy of the relationship. And, she had to minimize the potential impact it might have on me as to not feel like an awful person.
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“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron
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