When we first opened our marriage, my ex fell head over heels for a woman, and lost all sense of perspective, wanting a one penis policy were I to find a lover (meaning I was only allowed other women), telling me he and she were soul mates, telling me he thought she should move in right away to "help me with the kids and housework"), etc etc.
Also he was taking her on expensive dates, missing our kids' Halloween because he was with her, giving her the same Valentine's gift he gave me (after I'd been with him 20 years and she'd been with him a couple months) so she wouldn't be jealous, telling me one thing and doing another, just lost in NRE and driven by it at any expense.
He had told me before things heated up between them that he'd give her up if I was unhappy. So, I was extremely unhappy and had them break off the sex, allowing platonic friendship only. However, I knew they loved each other and pined for each other. I knew they emailed a lot. I didn't know when I let him go to a wedding and a bat mitzvah of friends he and she shared, while I stayed home with our children, that he and she shared a bed at the hotels. He told me that much later... they didn't have sex, but sharing a bed? Not what I meant by platonic friendship.
FF 10 years. He and I broke up after a 30 year marriage, and 6 mos later, she moved in with him. Probably would've been sooner, but she had to sell her townhouse in Montreal and move to Massachusetts.
My point is, they say they'll give her up if it hurts you, but once they have made that connection, it can't be unmade just because it makes you unhappy.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
A standing prick hath no conscience. --Bill Shakespeare
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 38