I'm jumping to some unhappy conclusions based on nothing right now, so I almost don't want to post anything as it will certainly result in people wondeing where I get off making such calls when I know nothing about the situation, lol. It;s just that onw of my greatest "gifts" is my uincanny ability to read the connections and situations between people, and it's hard not to act on sometimes. This is one of those times. So feel free to tell me I'm full of crap and I'll shut it, lol.
I'm getting the feeling that this BF is a master guilt manipulator, whether intentonally or not makes no difference. The tiny bits of information you've provided about her feelings and actions along with your descriptions of how you tend to be as a person plus what I'm hearing about how he's handling this sounds... Familiar. Seen it before kinda thing.
How old are each of you? How long have they been together? Yuo've been in the equation for about a year - how often do you see him/them?
Those are the easy questions, lol. Others have to do with much more personal stuff and sex and whatnot and I will refrain.