Every now and then I revisit this thread to read what other solo poly people want. Recently, Opalescent posted this on another thread:
Originally Posted by opalescent
. . . I've learned that men, bless their hearts, are easy. There are scores and scores of men out there who would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to be your recreational plaything who are not married or committed, or, if they are, their wife/SO is hip, onboard, and totally down with the situation. In fact, she would love to have you over for tea and girl talk. (Ok, I exaggerate about the tea part.) In fact, to get interest, all you have to do is sign up on an online dating site as "female". Seriously, that's it. You will have no trouble finding potential casual sex partners among men.
I've been thinking about this lately. My "ideal poly situation" hasn't changed. Flying solo, I still want to live independently, and I fantasize about having three to four boyfriends who are not just casual flings but committed lovers with whom I can share my life passionately (thanks, SourGirl, for your comments in another thread that reminded me of the "passion" part).
However, it isn't as easy to find men who will hear me say I want non-exclusivity and be willing to commit to something deeper than just a casual and primarily sexual relationship. I understand that that may be a stage to move through before getting to a commitment, and I don't see the need to ask for a commitment right away, nor to set aside the need for companionship and sex until that happens for me, but it does get frustrating at times. I do not, however, see the need to make any adjustments to the ideal I seek. I just need to be patient that it will happen for me some day, and not give in to feeling defeated.