Breathe hon. One more time. Again.
I'm so sorry husband's revelation hit you so hard. It's amazing how little we know about people we live with and adore, isn't it? Beloved has said and done things that have just clocked me - shaken my foundation terribly. The fact that your mental picture of your marriage does not match your husband's does not mean that you and he are doomed. In fact, you have a great opportunity.
I can feel the love you have for him, and he for you through the screen. And I never got the sense that you thought it was all 'his' fault or that you weren't responsible too. The walls between you two are crumbling which is very, very painful. But it also means you two can now clear the rubble and build something even greater together.
So maybe hubs and your OSOs should agree not to read what you write here. This could be your private venting space. I'm glad Beloved is not on this site. It would really hinder what I need to write and think about out loud here. I tell her anyway but I process first. I respect the heck out of the folks that make it work with all their loves on the site.