So today BrownEyedGirl broke up with me. She said there was another guy she had started dating just 1 week before she started dating me, that her feelings for him were stronger than they were for me, and as of today they decided to be exclusive with each other. I replied that although I was hurt, I understood that not everyone is polyamorous and I respect her decision. I really liked BrownEyedGirl though and this is hard!
I remember Ginger had said she was relieved when she found out I was dating BrownEyedGirl, because she felt that should couldn't devote the amount of time to me that I needed (she is polyamorous and has a husband, and is generally quite busy, not just with lovers but with other stuff in life, too). I think I now agree with her. I think I know what I need to do. I need to put myself out there and try to find a second woman to date besides just Ginger.
This experience wasn't all bad. I had a wonderful time with BrownEyedGirl, short though it may have been, and I think I can finally say with certainty that I really am polyamorous and I'm not just trying to be polyamorous for Ginger. I think the moment of clarity came when I met BrownEyedGirl, we had a fantastic time together, I realized I wanted to date her, and at the same time I realized I also didn't want to stop dating Ginger.
It is still hard for me, thinking of BrownEyedGirl, knowing that she is (or at least was) attracted to me, wondering if she still secretly wishes she could be with me. I guess I should just try to get over it and not spend too much time daydreaming about whether she still thinks about me.