I'm going to apologise in advance because I need to have a little vent and it isn't about you but .....
Sigh...I am continually baffled by how seemingly surprised polyamorous people are that their monogamous partners have ongoing difficulties with polyamory (see the thread "Emergency"
). RP wrote "I'm sure she'll be on the upswing in no time". RP I usually agree with you but this thread here is yet another indication that she probably wont. If she does swing up she will probably swing back down again pretty quick.
This for me is the bottom line after being in a pretty successful polymono relationship for three years. Polys and Monos love differently (Jems you realise this in your relationship). Of course you don't expect your mono to become poly but for many of us having a non-monogamous partner is similar to you being forced into monogamy. We don't get to experience the fullness of a monogamous relationship, we only get to experience half of it.
OK that's the big picture. The smaller picture is that your husband seems to be projecting himself into your relationships. This is another common thing we do. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence to be able to realise that we're doing it because it's natural to look at something from the perspective of how we would behave and feel in a the same situation.
If you want your marriage to work you will both have to accept the work involved. I put all my suggestions in the thread "Emergency". Good luck.