First, like everyone else said, get counseling. A skilled outsider will be able to help you and your husband sort through why you can't listen and talk to each other on important stuff.
Second, from your description, both of of you appear to be very worried about what is going on internally emotionally with the other person. It's gotten to the point where both of you are so wrapped up in what the other person is feeling that you cannot hear what the other person is actually saying. Your personal interpretation of the other person's feelings may or may not be accurate. However, focusing so much on what the other person is feeling, whether in response to you or not, has had the effect that neither of you can actually hear or talk about what is actually going on in your respective heads.