I find I am having a bit of the same issue. The difference is both of my SO live with me. One is a decade long relationship and the other has only been romantic for a few months. With my hubby it is all dealing with the day and all the new problems that have come up that day. Or small talk or we will kinda talk about M his OSO. She is very private so we don't talk much but she is a MAJOR part of our lives so it is bound to happen. With the problem talking to each other like we are going through now I find my self really needing to be with J. It is a new relationship but I met both of them a day a part. (or something like that maybe a few days longer) I have gotten to know both of them over the last 10 or so years. Since j and I are in a new relationship it is nice to go from a hurtful conversation that doesn't get B and I anywhere to going to J and just instantly connecting. The compassion is there as well as the love and communication. It is hard not to compare the two but I don't because they really aren't comparable. B has been married to me for 9 years and has been through everything with me. J has been there for most everything. I love them both so very much but at this time j and I connect on a deeper level than B and I can just because we can talk to each other. I know to B that isn't fair because he feels like he has put in more time and should be the one I can connect to more but right now it just isn't the case. It seems to me like he is going through the same thing. His OSO and him are perfect for each other. They just click and work like clock work. now I don't know if it is just the NRE for both of the relationships or if these other people are better for us than we are for each other, but I know I love my hubby and will do anything in my power to make it work the right way with him.
That might have been off subject there towards the end lol It has been a long week.