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Old 07-28-2011, 05:44 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Everything you say, about him waiting for his wife, being preoccupied, etc,...isn`t right for YOU. It doesn`t mean he is a bad guy, but from reading your threads, and your desires, I don`t think you will find experiences with this type very enriching.
You want passion, and someone to really embrace life and you, without ownership.

Its great that you try to understand his point of view, but don`t forget your own.
This is true, thank you. I especially like what I bolded in what you wrote - a perfect way to express what I am looking/hoping for.

I will add, though, that even though I am fond of him, I have had my doubts about this relationship all along. I like him a great deal but I can't say I know for sure he's right for me. And I did tell him that I have my doubts, but also that I wanted us to make an effort toward seeing if it could work. He agreed. But I feel like he's got to step up if that's what he agreed to.

I didn't want to just have this exciting build-up to the two days we spent together, and the sex, only to see the whole thing fizzle away. It might seem to me like he's not invested enough in this relationship, but my perception might be a bit off due to the distance, infrequency of communication, and still getting to know each other (although I can usually trust my intuition, which tells me something's wrong here). He could be distracted from work, and certain things going on in his life. I did want to see if we have... something worthwhile, and so I don't want to give up on it just yet. I would hate to feel like he came to town to have sex with me and then said, "forget it."

I don't think he realizes how much he is caught up in wanting things with his wife to be better. In my blog thread, I had mentioned a few things about his relationship with her, from what little I know, and a bunch of folks said that she doesn't appear to be treating him very well because of her NRE with a BF. But, since it's so new between him and me, I only see a small piece of his life and have to draw my own conclusions, which might not really sense everything that should be taken into account. And I'm really the first person he's attempting to have a relationship since they opened the marriage, so I feel like, though I'm not setting aside my needs altogether, I do have compassion for his situation and don't want to write him off completely, not yet anyway.

But I appreciate your post because it reminds me of what I do want in a relationship. And that I might just have to stand up for what I want and tell him if I can't have those things with him, then it won't work.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 07-28-2011 at 05:46 PM.
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