Originally Posted by NeonKaos
You get a pencil and paper and you write 5000 times:
"I will appreciate the quality time spent with him even though it can't be the same as it is with my other partner."
Seriously. You smack yourself with a clue-by-four, pull up the big-girl diapers, and just do it. It doesn't have to happen over night. But you basically answered your own question.
Or as Yoda would say: "Just DO. There is no 'try'."
Okay, so I guess it was a stupid question then. I'll just start doing it.
Originally Posted by nycindie
I have seen several people here talk about needing some transition time after being with one person and in their environment, before jumping back into day-to-day life or relating to another partner. They give themselves an hour (or more) to process before reconnecting with their SO. Redpepper has talked about it. I recall some discussion about it in a thread on a similar topic that I started a while back: How do you avoid distraction?
But it has been mentioned in other threads, maybe you can find them in a search.
Thanks for the link, that was an excellent thread! I have also done searches, including tags such as NRE, but I guess it all depends how different threads are tagged. I guess I just needed the transition period as well, but for me it was way more than a few hours. I'm actually feeling better already about my time with JJ. I got time to get used to it and also just writing about it has helped me with this.
Originally Posted by Mohegan
Shift your focus from the ways the two relationships dont match up and instead look at and be thankful for these people as individuals. Do you not have friends you spend time with for different reasons? I have the ones I club with, the ones I'v known forever, the ones I share hobbies with. To me the people we are in relationships are the same. I don't compare my friends, I love them for who they are and who I am when I am with them. Same for partners. Love them for who they are, not for the relationship, they are not the relationship, they are people. Love them for what they bring to the relationship.
I believe in the power of thought. If you only look for the negative, that's all you'll be able to see. Look for the positive and celebrate that. Take it upon yourself to celebrate who they are and what they bring to your life as individuals.
Thank you Mohegan, this actually helped me a lot! I really try not to compare them, I know that doesn't help anyone. But the thought of thinking more aboout the people than the relationships, that's really good. I try to keep that in mind.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Dahlia, Fay and Jasmin
Living with Dahlia and Eddie (Dahlia's other partner)