Hijack by maca
Originally Posted by midnightsun
#1. Trust: There is a level of trust between the two of us that I've never had with anyone else. He's had many opportunities and reasons to leave in the nearly 8 years we've been married. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would've long before now.
There is alot to be said for trust.Its not that I dont trust her to not love me or want to be with me.We too have had opportunities to leave and at one point I did leave.There are still Insecurities Im dealing with from the affair LR had , although those insecurities of trust are fading fast with the new found honesty we are implementing in our relationship.
[/QUOTE]#2. Love: I love him truly and honestly and I LOVE seeing him happy, love seeing him turned on. It eventually occurred to me that anything that turns him on, turns ME on... but I don't have to BE the one turning him on. I just enjoy the thought that he's enjoying himself. I don't even have to be there for it to make me happy.[/QUOTE]
Im not turned on by her getting turned on by him( just not who I am) But I do see your point in being happy for her if he makes her happy, but I dont see as why I have to be witness to it.Maybe in time that will change.
quote#3. Respect: I respect his desires as an individual. I respect the feelings of the person he's with, when he's with another. I do not take for granted that I don't have to earn his love & trust, that they should come automatically just because we're married.
I see trust in the words you've written in your past posts, that she is being honest with you about how she feels about you and her other C. You've been married a long time, she hasn't left you for anyone "better" and doesn't appear to be seeking someone "better." You trust her enough to allow and even foster her relationship with C. So, the issue is maybe that you don't trust yourself? That you don't think you're good enough for her? quote
That is one of the issues I have posted about in other posts.Im working through those feeling of not being good enough. Mono has even sugested that it may be helpful if I posted my long list of hurts that lead me to no trusting ppl especially women.
quoteI see clearly that you love her. The key for me in learning to be ok with seeing PDA between my Love and another is focusing on his happiness, his pleasure, his desire... learning to take my happiness from his, my pleasure from his, my desire from his... you get the idea.
You respect the relationship between the two of you, between LR & C, respect your family structure as well.
The foundation is there... just build it 1 brick at a time. Be willing to take small steps, and to have a signal that will let her & C know if you aren't ok with something so that they can respect your feelings as you work on respecting theirs.
Good luck! Sorry for being so long winded... I type fast!!
You have left me with food for thought Midsun thanks for the reply