Well, my husband (J) and I have been married for nearly 8 years. We started out having a plain old vanilla marriage. He's been married before and the relationship was not a good one. She was verbally (and sometimes physcially) abusive to him. His ex-wife used sex as a weapon/tool to get what she wanted in their marriage. She witheld it for months at a time and then made him feel perverted for it when she'd finally give in. Not healthy at all!
So, it took much time and trust-building for him to open up to me and feel safe telling me his turn-ons & fanatasies. I did confess to him early on that I was bi-curious and would like to someday explore that side of my sexuality. He thought it was sexy, and my willingness to be open about my sexual "fantasies" encouraged him to open up to me.
Eventually, talk turned to another woman in the bedroom because of my bi-tendancies. I had to explore whether I'd feel jealous if there were interaction between him and the hypothetical other woman. To my surprise, I discovered the idea was actually appealing. Naturally, talk turned to the possibility of me being with another man and my husband at the same time (tables somewhat flipped but with no interaction between the two men.) To my surprise, my husband found the idea sexy and appealing. Much, MUCH discussion and great sex ensued!
When the opportunity presented itself to involve another woman, we explored it together and it was wonderful! Unfortunately, it was a short-lived relationship. We eventually met a couple and did more exploring, finding that it strengthened our marriage and bond, as well as fueling our sex life in a positive way.
There have been draw-backs along the way. I'm very limited in who I'm attracted to. I hate to sound shallow, because it's not just about looks. For me, it's a package deal and I place a lot of emphasis on intellect and personality. My husband, God Bless him, is satisfied with a kind heart, warm soul, and willing body. If she's an honest, down-to-earth woman with a sweet personality, he's attracted. I'd like for him to find a GF, given his sex drive being higher than mine. He's pushed for me to find a BF that I'm attracted to (he's given up on finding a couple where I'm attracted to both the man and the woman!)
But, although I'm willing to let him "play" alone w/a GF, he wants to place a stipulation on any BF I have that he also be allowed to "play" from time to time. He doesn't want me seeing anyone while he's home (he works away from home for 3 weeks, then is home for 3 weeks.) That's a long time to expect a BF to be neglected! He's having some insecurity issues w/my time & attention.
I should mention that I have ADD (attention deficit disorder) so there are times in the past that I've gotten sucked into work, the computer, the kids, life in general... and haven't given him the amount of attention he feels he needs. I'm working on that.
I should also mention that in the past he has almost demanded every spare moment I have in order for him to feel like I love & value him, making it impossible to give him "enough" attention for him to feel secure. He's working on that.
Lastly, I should mention that I type 90 wpm (before you subtract for errors) and I'm prone to long, rambling essays instead of posts. If you get annoyed, just stop reading!