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Old 07-27-2011, 11:53 PM
Jems Jems is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 11
Default So this is my deal, my life, my challenge

I am new here to the forum. I have posted an intro. but here is my story, and my challenges...long post sorry! Feel free to comment.

Hubby and I have been together 16yrs, I have always known I am non-monogamus. But up until 10-12yrs go I didn't realize that there was a word for it other than slut... tramp...cheater...etc
one day on the web I was reading stuf and found Polyamorous and having slight case of hypocondria I thought "Gee I think I have that"
Then I replayed my love life in my head...reliving found memories and painful losses...yes some were casual sex partners and some were lovers with whom I laughed with, lived for and loved, and occassionally some of these realationships would over lap...and it tore me appart "cheating". Back in those days when the "cheating" became emotionally unbarable for me I would break it off with all partners, leaving me lonely and heart broken. The only time I was able to carry on two was once when I had a GF and a BF and the BF thought it was cool cause occassionally the GF would come over and we would all play...ah college days!
So back to 10-12yrs ago...I talked to hubby about this idea and I was honest and told him I have often loved more that one person at a time and its terrible I wish I could just be open about it and allow it to happen where no one gets hurt by lies...being the wonderful man he is he desided to allow me to explore this...but being unsure and not feeling the same way he wanted rules and boundries...were it became a "Swinging" deal he was involved most of the time and as long as it was another couple he felt safe.
it was fun but lacking that emotional component. So a couple that was looking for friends not casual people they could build a relationship with and trust. This was nice, I fell inlove with them both the wife more so. as I got to know the husband I didn't like the way he treated her I felt he mentally and emotionally abused her... eventually my love for her made me stick my nose in where it shouldn't have been...the hubby didn't like that and broke it off...my hubby and her continued to see each other, behind her hubby's back and against my protests, it was cheating her hubby didn't know! I was not having part of it...I know what that can do to a marriage and how hurtful it is even though he was a jerk!
She eventually left him and then her and I and my hubby resumed a relationship...but her and my hubby had more connection at this time. Next thing I knew she had talked my hubby out of my house into hers!
DIRTY B!TCH! I trusted her I loved her I offered to have her become part of my family move in be safe and loved!
Anyway Hubby didn't leave for good he came back...we worked it all out but she was no longer welcome.
This is where I realized he is Mono but enjoys occassional casual sex fun...but when he becomes attached to someone emotionally there can only be one...
Me I have to becareful who I attach to cause I love everyone!
he doesn't understand it but he toloerates my BF I have now. Sometimes its a bone of contention and sometimes he makes things difficult, because he is insecure and jelous even though I work hard at making sure he is primary and always first.
He wants me to have a GF instead of a BF and I would love to have a GF but there has not been one in a while...but his idea of a GF for me is one or him too! COME ON! REALLY? silly man...maybe they don't want to play with you or maybe I don't want to share! LOL
its not that easy...hey I really like you would you be my GF oh BTW I have a hubby can I take you home to play with him too! GEEZ!

So I got husband Emotionally Mono but likes no strings, no emotion play occassionally.
Then there is me Emotionally Poly, have had and do enjoy casual relationships but given any time I LOVE everyone!
Hubby is often tortured by my l"ifestyle choice"...but its mostly all in his head. for instance I go over to watch a movie with BF promissing hubby there will be nothing more and I do not lie about such things..he has his crazy imagination going and by the time I get home the things BF and I have done for the past 3-4hrs is insane! And god if he is going to be crazy about it 'cause he is keeping tabs and needs to make sure he is not getting less, extremely competitive, maybe I should be going wild and crazy swinging from chandeliers and doning the leather and boots with the whip of course!
AHHHH!!! He is crazy sometimes! But I love him and I try to work with and understand he is mono he doesn't get it sometimes...silly guy!

Anyway feel free to comment and thanks for reading!
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