View Single Post
Old 07-27-2011, 01:34 PM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Originally Posted by paschendale View Post
My boyfriend is still madly in love with the secondary, and, now that the drama has blown over, is trying to get them back together without revealing his true feelings. She has told him repeatedly that she is not interested in that sort of a relationship again.

At the same time, she also flirts with my boyfriend whenever the two of them interact, she'll give him compliments, act coy, and hold his hand when she feels she can get away with it.
So she does not know what she wants. That's sad and frustrating but cannot be helped. And the bit I boldened worries me. If you bf can't be honest about his feelings from the get-go, why pursue just more heartbreak? She is not interested in what he has to offer and clearly uncomfortable with poly.

Originally Posted by paschendale View Post
Her offering this also suggests that she might be interested in getting back together with him and could be gently persuaded into abandoning her notion that I should not be involved.
"Gentle persuasion" or just pure manipulation? She's not interested in a polyship, not interested in a romantic relationship, and the two of you should accept what she says. If she's lying about her feelings, it's on her, not on the two of you.

Originally Posted by paschendale View Post
Yet he also knows that if she doesn't want to get back together with him, he's going to only get more pain and heartbreak trying to ask her and ask her so he's considering abandoning the whole thing, perhaps even including their friendship.

...I feel that the flirting must stop and I am looking for advice on how to politely ask the secondary to cease and detist should my boyfriend prove unable to.
The only person who can make this stop is your boyfriend, through cutting off all contact with her. He has voiced the solution himself, and now only needs to act on it. There is nothing you can do - he will get over her eventually.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote