To her this is all very real and scary. Why should she have sense shaken into her? She is going at her own pace and its slower than the rest of you. I suggest slowing it all down, coming together to wrap her in love and assurrance and allow her to set the pace by setting some boundaries that work for her but assure that she is moving through her fear and jealousy.
I know, easier said than done. Other option is to suggest that she do this work on her own and dump her. Maybe even suggest that she isn't able to acieve poly even if she thinks the concept is one that is right for people. I don't suggest this however. Maybe she should read here? We have lots of great threads.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM