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Old 07-27-2011, 12:58 AM
righthandwife righthandwife is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4
Default an introduction

hi, i just joined the forum today although i have read various topics in it beginning in 2008 when my poly relationship started.

currently, i am involved with a married man. we began our involvement in 2008 though we have known each other for over a decade. we have always been good friends and our friendship is the basis of our relationship. we have been through HILLS AND VALLEYS i tell you! the main issue being his wife. he grew up in a polygynous household and told his wife as much. he also was maintaining a full fledged relationship with one woman when he met the woman he would late marry. due to irreconcilable differences the first partner and he broke up and he married the second. now there's me. when he decided he wanted me to be his other wife, he informed me. i told him to discuss it with his wife. they did. long story short she agreed...and then changed her mind shortly thereafter (4 months). the problem was that he and i had already opened the "love" chamber which was built on more than a decade of friendship and we could not let go. as a result of this there has been a lot of strife in our relationship which is only now evening out. but all along the wife has tried to sabotage my relationship with manipulation and dishonesty. i love my partner and i entered into the relationship with the intention of having a three way partnership wherein we all had two partners. she, having continually violated my trust and hurt my feelings, no longer qualifies and my focus is him...maybe later on down the line she and i can work things out...i don't know.

issues i am trying to work through include: can i ever have legal protection in this relationship and if so, how do i get it? how do i live openly as a person who is sharing a man? how do i "come out" as it were? what strategies do other people use? how can she and i have separate lives/relationships with him and still have it "work?" is there anyone else having this kind of relationship? i worry about future asset division and children and things of that sort and am looking for ways to address these fears as i move forward...

i'm learning a lot from the community and i appreciate the space to discuss issues-it's hard talking to monos and mono-minded folk about this kinda stuff...though i think i'm relatively smart, i'm also inexperienced in this arena and will probably do more asking than any case, i'm looking forward to the learning...thanks!
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