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Old 07-26-2011, 04:28 AM
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openbj openbj is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: OK, USA (but our hearts remain in TX)
Posts: 102

Thanks! Normally, I would step in and take control of a relationship he was having, actually ending the relationship is more like it because I wasn't open to poly at the time. I was more focused on trying to make him mono, which he's really not.

I've asked him why he told her that lie and he has said that it's because he was afraid she would reject him if he told her the truth (that we had an open marriage, mind you, we were only open when they met, not poly. Rule was no emotional attachments, just sex and done). But, he really liked her and said he couldn't just sleep with her and drop her like that, but he also couldn't find the words to explain that we were open either. So, he got nervous and told her that he was married but that we were getting divorced.

J does NOT do well with rejection. When people meet him, they think that he is this super confident guy that is so sure of himself. He puts on a good front that way and for the most part, he is (in most things). But rejection, especially when it comes to relationships and sex, just tears him to pieces. All of his affairs in the past knew he was married and that they weren't going to go anywhere and our relationship wasn't going to end over them. But this one, just messed him up. He couldn't tell her the truth. I think part of it is because he is now 31 and has been feeling the stress of "getting older", and she is almost 19. But, that's just my guess. Also, his co-workers are a major gossip wheel. He says he was also afraid that if he explained things properly to her, she would tell someone else at work, and then it would be around to everyone. Which he's a very private person, so that was not acceptable at all.

Whatever his reasons though, it will be over soon enough and we will be gone from here. I can say, he's not trying very hard to hide our marriage from her now that he's being honest with me. He has added her to his FB and he and I talk and flirt around on there all the time (our friends have even told us to go get a room on several occasions haha)! So, at this point, it's just a matter of time before she figures things out lol. If she doesn't, it's because she doesn't want to know the truth.
Married 12 1/2 years. Female. Straight. New to poly.
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