I made a response on the "Which Way To Turn" blog that I thought would also be important to post in our own blog.
"That's awesome!! It really give me hope for our future. I really needed to hear that, because a girl that he had wanted to bring in and she didn't agree AT ALL, just sent me a message saying how messed up I was for letting him do this and that I was "NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER going to be happy with him". She followed that statement up with "I know that hurts to hear, but it's the truth". It didn't hurt to hear, because I know it's not truth and I won't accept those words into my heart. But, it did really piss me off lol.
Lies are the HARDEST!! I too hold honesty so dear and near to my heart. When people speak honestly to me, whether it hurts or not, it speaks love to me. So, I completely understand how it made you feel, because I feel those same things when J lies to me, and I always know when he's lying. I have told him, "I know you better than any other person out there, sometimes even better than you know yourself. You cannot expect to lie to me and me not know it." Yet, he still does it.
But!!! On a great note. He has been nothing but honest with me for the past week now. He has come clean about everything. There's a girl that he's been flirting around with for a couple of months now from work. I kept asking him, "What's going on? Where is this going?" And he would swear up and down that there was nothing going on, he just enjoyed talking to her, blah, blah, blah. Well last week I told him that it was okay to go ahead and see her, but we needed to bring her in. He finally opened up!! He told me that yes, they've already been seeing each other and sleeping together. He also said, "But, we can't bring her in." Why? Because he lied to her to get the relationship going. He told her that we were in the middle of a divorce, so as far as she's concerned, I'm not part of the picture. It hurt to hear that, but I loved it so much that he was being honest. I didn't even get upset with him. I've allowed him to go ahead and continue seeing her because it's not something that is going to last. She leaves for college in 2 weeks and we move from OK to NM not long after that (and he'll even be gone for 8 weeks for training for this new job in upstate KS). So, it's about to end very soon. I have a very hard time with him lying to her, but with all of us going separate ways very soon, I'm just letting it be. She can count it as her fun for the summer before college and not be destroyed by finding out that he's lied so much to her.
On our end though, he has told me every time he is going to meet up with her, what they are doing, where they are going, what they have done (even sexually) afterwards, etc. He even talks on the phone with her in front of me now. I LOVE IT!! Yes, I have moments where he does something for her or says something to her that I have jealousy rise up, but I beat it with a stick and kick it right out. It's mostly just silly NRE things that I tend to miss from when we first met and had NRE lol.
I look forward to the next girlfriend and being there from the beginning!! I just have this excitement about it that brings me peace to know that everything is going to be alright and wonderful.
I have worked very hard over the last year to make things comfortable enough for him to be honest. Admittedly, I have failed many times by trying to force him instead of inviting him, but it's getting better. I'm getting there. We're getting there."
Married 12 1/2 years. Female. Straight. New to poly.