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Old 10-21-2009, 01:43 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I was approaching it not so much as how you (the person seeking freedom as we are using the term here) are able to commit to all these people, but what type of dedication/commitment do you expect to get in return from each person or certain ones.
I'm not sure I'm understanding this definition of commitment. This sounds more like expectations than commitment to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Again it all seems to come down to what your goals are. Do you want multiple people to not only be romantically involved with but also to be an integrated part of your family, sharing chores, family functions, contributing to child care etc? Or do you simply want to have a very fluid, completely open relationship?
Putting it that way seems to negate all of the relationship possibilities that exist between both of those. There are so many ways partners can have an integrated family unit with multiple partners while still remaining open to possibilities of other people or partners.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
multiple free flowing and fluid relationships is very possible, as we have seen with people at our poly meetings. These people do not seem to not have committed people with which they are building homes, raising children, planning a future or sharing the mundane responsibilities of life with. They tend to be single, young, or newly divorced from traditional marriages.

Having committed family integrated relationships are also possible as we ourselves are experiencing.

Having total "freedom" (as defined earlier in this thread) and total "commitment" (as defined earlier in this post) is not something we have seen working in person however.
I still feel like there's an artificial binary in this equation. Having freedom in your relationships to be open to additional partners doesn't have to mean that there's a revolving door of relationships. Having the freedom to have additional partners doesn't necessitate continually adding partners or not being able to form deep life building commitments in the process. And for some, not all partnerships have to be about raising a family together. That's the beauty of it, there is room for connections to exist on the level that's right for them to exist on. When they can just live in their natural levels, one connection doesn't have to take away or limit another connection.

For me, the freedom lies in who's choice it is. I've known people who have built multiple long term life building partnerships while still being open to additional partnerships. They do so knowing how to make their choices in ways that allow their other partnerships to remain balanced. They do so with intentionality and responsibility to the commitments they already have. But they still have the freedom to make those choices for themselves.

For me, being poly is about the freedom to make spaces for the people in my life, not to find people for the spaces in my life.
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