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Old 07-26-2011, 03:12 AM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You are confusing yourself unnecessarily. Seeing serial monogamy as a form of polyamory just ain't so, and won't reconcile anything for you.
Definitions aren't my major concern. You could say humans are animals so human-human sex is bestiality, but that would just be semantics. My concern is about how to reconcile feelings with behavior in a way that doesn't involve hyprocricy or dishonesty. I think that is more important an issue that whether you're having multiple relationships at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I think practical issues are also important, but the reason I'm here is because I would like to achieve truth in relationships.

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I understand this. You seem like a kind, thoughtful person which of course is admirable. But somewhere along the way the enlightenment comes that we can't take responsibility for internally generated 'harm' to others. If that makes any sense. It's much different than physically slugging someone over the head with a bat.
Thanks for your moral support. I have actually thought this for some time. The problem is that humans have this bad habit of treating culture as if it was automatically applicable beyond themselves. To give an extreme example, you can tell someone that you didn't see it as rape when you were taking her to fulfill your desires, but you're still responsible for the internal harm generated for her. That's a bad example because it involves physical body-boundaries, but many people claim emotional boundaries are just as sacred.

We all have our own belief systems and sometimes those beliefs conflict with the realities in life. It's simply impractical (impossible?) to take ownership of the rest of the world's belief systems and any pain that's caused because of conflicts with those. We don't want it, don't intend it (hurt) but also don't have control over someone else's thought process. The power is truly not within us.
The power isn't to control others. It's to empathize. And when we empathize, we give power to others. And when we give that power to others, we also take power for ourselves by inviting their return empathy. This is the basis for many emotional social-contracts and social power, imo, for better or worse.

In it's most basic form, polyamory refers to the ability and openness (recognition) to love (in a romantic way) more than one person. And it's a very natural thing in the majority of humans. But it's been condemned by the powers that be for so many hundreds of years and therefore becomes a conflict when it surfaces. There are few (until recently) resources available for those who discover it within themself to turn to to learn ways to handle it constructively.
My interest is in truth, as I think that is the interest of people who wish to be true to their feelings by pursuing multiple relationships at the same time. If I was interested in monogamy without question, I don't think I would have become interested in a polyamory forum. I wish to have a sexual culture where people can be honest about their feelings and desires, regardless of whether they choose to pursue one, more, or no relationships at a time.

It's quite possible, if painful and difficult, to BE (self acknowledge) polyamorous yet still live monogamously because it's easier, more practical or sometimes temporary. That's different than BEING (self identifying) monogamous.
Exactly, but I think it's more painful to have to BE polyamorous and live monogamy whey you are disavowing your polyamorous nature. I think many monogamists are doing this, simply because they want to believe that having one relationship at a time but multiple relationships in a lifetime is natural.

But you're not a climber. And what's more, really have no interest.
Poly says "go climb - and come back and share your excitement with me !"
Mono say - "sorry - I don't climb - no climbing allowed unless you leave me so I can find another gymnast".

Which mode of living makes more sense to YOU ???
This is my whole point. I think the reality of love and relationships is that you don't lose your place in your heart for someone just because your interests diverge. Yet in monogamy, it is expected that you kill the part of your heart that loved one person to love another. I think that's negative and destructive, even if you don't want to maintain more than one active relationship at a time. This is why it is so important to me to reconcile a polyamorous heart with the desire for a monogamous lifestyle.