Today has been my day to freak out. I know my freak out stems from fear. I have so many fears in this but probably not the ones most people have. I'm not scared of this hurting my relationship with G2. I'm not afraid of anyone loving another in our quad more. I am afraid that now that i have found the one place I am happiest, that being having G2, S and A in my life, that it may all fall part and I will lose it. These are my own insecurities I know and that is why I am trying hard to deal with them. One of the problems with not talking this week is when things like how I am feeling have come up she has been so busy I cant really talk to her about it. I talk to G2 about it and I talk to S about it but my insecurities relate mostly to her and I want to be able to discuss that with her and haven't been able to.
Its ok though. I have taken some time to be completely alone while she has been busy the last couple of days. I am relearning how to be happy with the free time i have while she is busy. There are things i have neglected around the house and friends I haven't talked with much due to being so caught up in the NRE going on between us. I am getting comfortable and settling back in to my life. A life that was very full before A and S and our quad and is now more full with them. I am taking the time while she is busy to put a little more focus on mine and G2's children also. I am in her life and I know she loves me. I also know that just because she is busy leading the life she has always had and is trying to include us in and can't always stop long enough to call. It does not mean she is pulling away from me or our relationship.
I took a lot of time that I have been needing and did some soul searching and self discovery the last few days. It has been very eye opening for me. I'm glad I now have time to focus on every aspect of my life instead of just focusing on the individual relationships and our overall quad relationship. I am glad that I'm learning how to include A and S in the life I have put so much time and energy into building. Its not separate from them it just now includes them.