So hubs called this afternoon and we got to chat for 15 minutes or so. I did mention needing to hear his voice a "bit" more often and he agreed. But then I got a bit miffy at him. :-( Sigh... not bad and we recovered quick, but I felt bad later, so I apologized and sent him a boobie pic.
I know what the problem is, I just haven't figured out how to accept it and work it out in my head so that I'm good with it. Basically, I feel like he has all of these women who need him-- his daughter, obviously, needs him a LOT right now, his GF-- same thing, she's working on some serious issues and he's her only support, and his mom... well she THINKS she needs him, or at least more regular communication with him... and then there's me. So he gets all of these demands and neediness from all sides, and it gets to be too much. He needs to have moments of peace in his life, too... quiet times to just be to recharge himself.
And right now, I am the least needy, and the strongest one of the group. And also the only one who seems to be able to take a step back and give him that space that he needs. And part of me is good with that because I know I AM strong enough to take care of myself, I have my own issues but I know how to deal with them and am taking care of the things that need to be taken care of. But part of me sometimes just gets whiny and wonders why I always have to be the one to suck it up and take care of myself, so that he has the energy and time to spend on other people?
It is VERY petty, and usually just comes when I'm down and feeling lonely and it feels like I am not getting my needs met so that others can get theirs met and it feels unfair and I want to stomp my feet and complain. LOL... but the responsible, strong part of me knows it just has to be this way right now and that's how it is.
Generally I just have to stop and think about the others' in his life and realize that they really DO need him more right now. That while he seems to be their rock, I am HIS rock, and the one that he comes to for support and help when he needs it.
Mostly I do just want to figure out a way to be okay with it better... knowing that it's not permanent, knowing that he's coming home in a month or so and i will get to FINALLY have him close and here for me, and get all the love and snuggles and stuff I can handle. It's been over two years since I really had that...