I have the same problems with it as you do. Sharing has never been my hubbys thing but he used to do it when we were swinging because he knew it made things easier on me and usually turned me on
Now, with the relationship he is in I don't even ask. I know that she would not like it and he would not betray her trust so no point in asking. The other night as I was going to bed I heard something. I laid there for a min and got up walked into the living room. Our bedroom is right under the living room. It dawned on me what I was hearing and went back to j's room and turned the tv on. I knew she wouldn't want me listening to them making love to each other so I respected her privacy and went back to sleep. Back in the day, I might have maybe listened for a few min then went in and woke J up in an amazing way lol. but when you care about the person your hubby is in love with it is different. I will always respect her feelings and hubby's by not asking, not that I would ask for step by step or anything lol but I wont turn down general information. It just helps me deal and makes me feel closer to hubby.