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Old 07-23-2011, 08:48 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Okay, whatever -- whether you can't, won't, or don't want to wasn't the point of my sentence. It was asking whether you think of monogamy as a life-long thing and polyamory as short-term or temporary.
I think of them as independent concepts. I think you could have multiple lifelong commitments, yes. Why would you assume that because you have more than one lover that they have to be temporary?

But that's not poly, really. Polyamory is about cultivating multiple loving relationships and being involved with more than one at a time. You can have had numerous relationships in a lifetime and still be monogamous -- one does not equal the other.
My view is that serial monogamy is a type of polyamory where you exclude past and future lovers from your life while being with one at a time.

If you think of monogamy and polyamory is merely structures or blueprints for relationships and not (or not just) a personality trait, you would see it is possible!
I'm not sure what you mean here.

To clarify, I am simply a human being who can choose to be monogamous or polyamorous in my relationships. I have always been monogamous (meaning that was my choice, not my nature) until last year at the age of 50, when I chose to explore polyamory. Does that mean that in my 35-some-odd years of dating and being single -- and MONOGAMOUS -- that I was only with one person and expected it to last forever? No, of course not. I was monogamous in all of my committed relationships. It's simply a way of relating, it's not a contract for the rest of your life.
I think of true monogamy as meaning you can't ever stop loving someone enough to find another person. This is something I've been dealing with through my divorce. It is easy to say that someone isn't/wasn't your soulmate because things didn't work out but what do you call positive memories where you find the same person who loved them deeply still living inside your heart? I don't think that person is ever going to die so am I really monogamous considering I am lonely and would like a new relationship? How do you think it works when you try to have a monogamous relationship while being honest that you will always worship the memories of being with your ex (even though the relationship is long gone)? I'm sure many people (mono and poly) would call it unhealthy not to want to dispose of the parts of your heart rooted in past relationships, but if it isn't (and I don't believe it is), then polyamory would be a way to have a new relationship without disavowing the broken one.

Last edited by serialmonogamist; 07-23-2011 at 08:56 PM.