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Old 07-23-2011, 08:35 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
I wouldn't say that I can't make a lifelong commitment, because I did that when I was married by having kids.
Okay, whatever -- whether you can't, won't, or don't want to wasn't the point of my sentence. It was asking whether you think of monogamy as a life-long thing and polyamory as short-term or temporary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
I do think I'm poly, though, in the sense that I have the potential to love more than one person in a lifetime.
But that's not poly, really. Polyamory is about cultivating multiple loving relationships and being involved with more than one at a time. You can have had numerous relationships in a lifetime and still be monogamous -- one does not equal the other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
How (the hell) can someone call themselves mono if they can feel attracted to and date more than one person in their life?
If you think of monogamy and polyamory as structures or blueprints for relationships and not (or not just) a personality trait, you would see it is possible!

To clarify, I am simply a human being who can choose to be monogamous or polyamorous in my relationships. I have always been monogamous (meaning that was my choice, not my nature) until last year at the age of 50, when I chose to explore polyamory. Does that mean that in my 35-some-odd years of dating and being single -- and MONOGAMOUS -- that I was only with one person and expected it to last forever? No, of course not. I was monogamous in all of my committed relationships. It's simply a way of relating, it's not a contract for the rest of your life.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-23-2011 at 08:49 PM.