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Old 07-23-2011, 07:38 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, wait a minute. I just re-read Serial's post...

I think what he means is that since he feels he can't make a life-long commitment, he must be poly -- except for only being able to do that with one person at a time. If I am reading that correctly, it means that he has made the erroneous assumption that polyamorous relationships cannot be life-long.
Yeah, and here he seems to say that a life-long partnership automatically means monogamy, as if polyamory could never be that:Do I have this right, Serialmonogamist?
Why does the multiquote function reverse the order of the posts? No matter, you are getting closer. I wouldn't say that I can't make a lifelong commitment, because I did that when I was married by having kids. I do think I'm poly, though, in the sense that I have the potential to love more than one person in a lifetime. However, I am monogamous in the sense that I can't deal with the complexity of more than one relationship at a time. It's really a problem because I really don't like having to worry about getting into a relationship and then losing it at some point, but I'd also be dishonest to say that I couldn't see myself with more than one person for the rest of my life.

Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
Serial......Polyamory doesn't necessarily mean that someone is making a life long commitment to multiple partners simultaneously. One could have a Primary, or more than one Primary, lifelong partner(s), a Primary or more than one Primary with whom there's not a lifelong commitment, a Secondary partner with or without a long term commitment, etc., etc. Are you trying to say that you could see yourself loving more than one person at a time but not wanting the complications that can go with carrying on loving relationships with different partners simultaneously??
I know that polyamory and (lifelong) commitment are completely independent concepts. Yes, I don't just think that I, personally, am capable of (potentially) loving more than one person at a time, but I believe it is universally possible (sorry to those who find universalizing pushy). I once had a gf start breaking up with me because she was having feelings for an old bf and I told her it was ok b/c it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at the same time. She said that's not how she works, but I couldn't believe that suddenly all her feelings for me would end because she felt something for the other guy. I think fear of "slut-stigma" causes people to block out love for more than one person at a time, when they do. I'm not a person who naturally reacts to stigmas and taboos, so I'm maybe somewhat more aware of their effects. Anyway, hope this clarifies my position - and thanks for your interest.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
If you can't see yourself able to have more than one relationship at a time, how the hell would you even remotely call that poly?
How (the hell) can someone call themselves mono if they can feel attracted to and date more than one person in their life?