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Old 07-23-2011, 02:21 AM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

OK I definitely have to weigh in on this one. In my opinion, yes he broke your trust. It is NOT okay to discuss another person's personal stuff with a stranger (or anyone) without their permission. It was not okay, and him trying to make it okay is bullshit. I won't even go into that more because RP said it better and I'd just be saying a lot of "me too" on that.

Secondly, asking some random woman about orgasms has little or NOTHING to do with him being able to "help" you.

A little caveat here... I'm studying to be a counselor specifically to become a sex therapist. It is my passion. I've spent five years educating myself as much as possible about issues that arise, and keep learning that there's so much to learn I most likely will never be done.

That said... every single woman is going to be completely different with regards to how they orgasm. The basic principles might be the same, or at least similar, but because sex isn't an "insert tab a into slot b, rub button c" type of deal, each woman has their own, independent, completely different operating system. What makes her come might hurt for you... and vice versa, so asking her will help him not at all. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Orgasms, and sex in general, is a mix of physiological, psychological, emotional and life experience. Which is why women are so different. My physiology might work one way, yours another. If I have been sexually abused that will affect me. If I have an endocrine disorder (like thyroid) that will affect me. Etc. ad nauseum.

Whether or not you were raised conservatively or liberally... MANY women don't get a lot of needed information about sex and go around thinking there is something wrong with them for whatever reason. I have heard many MANY stories in this regard where a woman had a sexual response that was something completely normal, but had never "heard" of it before because nobody she knew talked about it and so thought she was defective. Ridiculous, but I won't go off on that tangent right now.

So... now if YOU do want to do some exploration into your feelings about sex, and ideas and how your body works and maybe explore trying some new things... there are many ways you can do that. A certified sex therapist would be great, but sometimes people aren't ready for that step or it's cost prohibitive. There are a MYRIAD of great books out there that can help you figure out what is going on inside your own head and maybe give you some ideas on becoming more orgasmic (I'm only suggesting this because it seems to bother YOU, not because *I* think you need to work on anything...)

Two books I recommend are:

The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass. The book explains a lot about the physiological, psychological and emotional connections and leads you through a series of questionnaires to help you figure out exactly where the "hiccup" might be for YOU. She also gives ideas and exercises to help you move through those hiccups. It's a really great book, and helps a lot with sexual self-discovery.

The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling. This book talks a lot about attitudes about sex, and inhibitions that people can have and how to work through them. It can be a bit much in the suggestion that every good girl wants to be "bad" in regards to sex... BUT... it also offers some really great exercises you can do on your own to work on things like building arousal, breathing patterns, different types of stimulation, etc.

If there aren't real physiological reasons for difficulty in orgasms (which there can be, low hormonal levels or less circulation of blood through the genitals, etc.) then people CAN retrain their body to respond to different types of stimulation. It's a matter of experimentation, and trial and error and getting comfortable with the idea.

And, it's usually best to do these experiments ALONE without a partner first, so you can let loose a bit and not be under pressure to perform.

Sorry if this was way too long or information you didn't want (if so, please feel free to ignore, I won't mind AT ALL!) I just felt the need to throw that out there because I know that when I was younger I had some issues with orgasming that made me self-conscious which made the issue worse and made me feel inadequate. I wasn't inadequate, but I was inadequately knowledgeable about myself. Learning this information and putting it into practice has been wonderful.
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