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Old 07-23-2011, 01:44 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by onequarter View Post
I grew up in a very conservative religious house/atmosphere, and my boyfriend feels that I am very sex-negative.
What specifically does he say you are sex negative about? Just because you grew up in a conservative, religious household doesn't mean you are sex negative.

Originally Posted by onequarter View Post
He feels it was appropriate for him to share this information because he was looking for feedback and ways to help our sex life improve, and that it is fair for him to go to outside sources because I don't criticize him or give him suggestions for improvement. He feels that asking him not to discuss the less-than-ideal parts of our sex life is selfishly imposing my sex-negative values on him.
That's total bullshit. Sorry, but he owes you an apology big time I think... your private life has nothing to do with her and it is not his story to tell. If he has issues with your sex life that is between you and him and has nothing to do with sex negative... fuck I hate how people throw that shit around. seriously. Sex negative is about not agreeing that peoples bodies are their own and what they do with them is their decision. He seems to think that gives him a right to abuse your trust in him by telling whomever he chooses about you sexually.

Sex positive is not about abusing peoples right to privacy,or to be told what path they should take. Sex positive is to make your own choices about your sex life, to have as much privacy as you you need and to be respected for who you are wholistically not just sexually. I think quite often that gets pushed aside and women understand that they need to put out, be whatever their men want them to be and to not listen to their bodies. Nothing has changed it seems... its all bullshit if you ask me.... I await the next trend to see if that is better, because we are still owned by men.... where there is sex positive theory there is now internet porn and what that does to self image. Apparently that is suppose to liberate us... ya, no! Next he will be telling you that you need to trim your pussy lips cause they are too big!

Ya, I have some opinions about this

If you ask me, he is the one that is sex negative because he discussed your private information without running it by you first. Its about respect... he didn't respect you.
Originally Posted by onequarter View Post
We had a disagreement in the past because, at the time, this lady hadn't been introduced to me, and my boyfriend told her what type of contraceptive I use, as she was considering using the same type and he wanted me to help her weigh her options. He felt it was selfish of me to not want to offer my experience. I felt that my reproductive choices were not information he should be sharing with strangers.
Again, not her business and not his info to share.

Originally Posted by onequarter View Post
I do not like the fact that I do not orgasm as much as my partners would like me to, because it causes a lot of stress & mutual feelings of inadequacy. As such, I don't want to share this information with people who don't need to know it. I would have told our friend about this particular issue if/when we had definitively decided to be sexual partners, but I feel that my boyfriend violated my trust by sharing this information with someone outside of our sexual relationship.
no shit! You ever right to be concerned and offended... he broke trust.

Originally Posted by onequarter View Post
So, when you're navigating poly or potential poly, how do you decide what information gets shared by whom? What do you do if two people have different ideas of an appropriate timeline for sharing information with new partners?
what is your info to share is your choice. What info is his to share is his choice. Everything else is up for discussion.... poly is not about sex any way, so I'm not even sure why its so important.... unless you are just fucking around and want casual sex...still, this still applies.
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