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Old 07-23-2011, 12:41 AM
onequarter onequarter is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6
Default How much do you share with other people outside of the relationship?

My boyfriend & I (I'm female) are exploring poly, and we've made a mutual female friend. We all like each other very much and are considering a threesome at some vague point in the future. This lady and I have several ongoing conversations about sex and poly and BDSM, and these conversations are quite intimate. However, my boyfriend told our friend something that I have not shared with her -that I do not orgasm frequently - & he asked for her suggestions to get me off more. We are having a disagreement about this & I thought I should reach out to the experts.

I grew up in a very conservative religious house/atmosphere, and my boyfriend feels that I am very sex-negative. He feels it was appropriate for him to share this information because he was looking for feedback and ways to help our sex life improve, and that it is fair for him to go to outside sources because I don't criticize him or give him suggestions for improvement. He feels that asking him not to discuss the less-than-ideal parts of our sex life is selfishly imposing my sex-negative values on him.

We had a disagreement in the past because, at the time, this lady hadn't been introduced to me, and my boyfriend told her what type of contraceptive I use, as she was considering using the same type and he wanted me to help her weigh her options. He felt it was selfish of me to not want to offer my experience. I felt that my reproductive choices were not information he should be sharing with strangers.

I do not like the fact that I do not orgasm as much as my partners would like me to, because it causes a lot of stress & mutual feelings of inadequacy. As such, I don't want to share this information with people who don't need to know it. I would have told our friend about this particular issue if/when we had definitively decided to be sexual partners, but I feel that my boyfriend violated my trust by sharing this information with someone outside of our sexual relationship.

So, when you're navigating poly or potential poly, how do you decide what information gets shared by whom? What do you do if two people have different ideas of an appropriate timeline for sharing information with new partners?
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