Originally Posted by tsl1966
Keep in mind that we talked through these rules at length for a very long time before opening our marriage. These rules are design to protect the marriage and also designed to ensure that beither one of us is ever made to feel less importaqnt than we really are.
I always find it interesting that people want to protect their marriage and make each other feel that they are not less than the people the "bring into" their relationship. I wonder if you have thought that perhaps you are NOT poly as its not really a loving attitude towards your "secondary." You could be "open." I dunno, your choice really, but just something to think about.
I just find that heirarchies are a place to start, but really making sure that anyone "coming in" knows that they will not have the same rights and allowing the "rules" to become more fluid and become boundaries that are movable is more respectful as relationships develop.
There are some really good discussion about primary/secondary on this forum. Try a tag search for "primary/secondary," "secondary," or "boundaries."
The primary/secondary merged thread might be a good place to start.