You mentioned that Q gets defensive when you try and discuss the issues she is having, you may want to take a look at how you are approaching it. Words like "why" immediately put me on the defensive. My husband thinks he is trying to understand and open a discussion, but I feel like I'm being attacked. Our therapist told him he can't use "why" because it is a negative word and does put people on the defensive. I can't even tell you how much it helped. I have no idea what put Q on the defensive, I'm just saying maybe an evaluation of your approach and look for different ways to word your questions.
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