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Old 10-20-2009, 06:59 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600

WOW, RP and Mono, I thought you all were lucky in love before, but I've gained a much deeper appreciation for the treasure you have. Thank you for sharing all of that- I'm sure there was much more to it in the real world.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure I understand the question, but if you are asking if we mutually decided or if I act out of others needs then I would have to say a bit of both. I needed containing when Mono came along, I had several things on the go and was battling some stuff that had happened in the last year that I needed to look at. .......
Needless to say I needed containing and when Mono asked for this boundary I was ready to give it. I dropped one of the men as he and my husband pointed out that he was damaging to me... one of those danger people that we all have. It turned out he was right and I am now deeply wounded by how that ended too. The three men I have in my life are committed to me for the long haul and very protective. I feel contained and loved.
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I feel as if I am loved enough to start taking care of myself and my needs. I can rest on the love in in my life and let it support me.... my problem is not letting it make me feel as if it is conditional love... as it is with my mother and how I was raised.
It seems you've identified some huge factors concerning your motives. I know what you're talking about with the upbringing. I have railed against the confines of traditional relationships and all of the preconceived crap that ends up having to be rummaged through piece by piece and sorted every time.

You mentioned before about people finding the balance- it seems to me that your loved ones are very actively supporting a balance for all of you and what a precious thing! This is the freedom I as talking about. You can be yourself , with all your love and seeking and changing, and you won't be penalized! The freedom in knowing you're supported, even if you're confused or at odds for a minute, and that trust that you won't walk away without a fight.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Do you mean that I should not self-sacrifice? No one should really. I am committed to happiness on all sides I think, and I believe we are all happy right now
I believe in selfishness, yes- only way to love someone else. Selfishness in regards to making sure that commitment doesn't turn into obligation.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think I will have avoided the real issues if I were to break this commitment. I really have a lot of work to do on myself still. I only just recently could be alone by myself thanks to Mono's help on my stuff... we really do support each other as I know I help him too. I am only just realizing that in being able to be alone I have opened a flood gate to other issues I have... ahhhhh!!! so much to do to get to a place of balance. I'm so fortunate to have such great supporters in that journey!......
I think rather than adding more people I need to start thinking of adding MYSELF on that continuum... something I have not done in a long time! I need to seek a relationship with myself before even THINKING it's possible to add another love in my life! My job now is to not feel as if I am take away the time I spend with my loves because I am pursuing a deeper relationship with myself. If I figure that out that is where my freedom will lie I think...

Oh I hope I am making sense!!!
You're making all kinds of sense. It is so wonderful to witness a little of the symbiosis that you and your family have. I want to say it seems like all the components of balance are there for you, RP, but of course, I'm disembodied observer to the situation as it is for you.

I really like what you said about things coming up when you spend time alone, and that you place enough value on that to allow yourself the time to work through it.

I love to watch people bloom. Thanks.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan

I love Catfish and Charlie.
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