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Old 07-22-2011, 04:38 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 883

Good topic !

I like how rosephase worded it, but I`ll take the blunt version as well.

Poly/OR is a choice for me, and therefore a lifestyle.

I believe we DO choose who we love. We all have those moments before we know we are in love. Where we feel that spark and pursue it. It is a choice to decide to pursue love with a person.

I believe in levels of trust, and levels of love. Its not something I decided first and then followed, its how I operate naturally. The things I have opened myself up to in life, I let myself follow natural paths, so I know who and what, I really am. I did this with learning about poly as well.
I`ve always been frank about my capabilities, and desires in this manner with those I date. I also don`t feel comfortable when those I ever dated, told me they loved me the same as their spouse, or girlfriend, or what-have-you. So it works both ways for me. I am not trying to take with one hand, and not give the same with the other.

I can choose monogamy for long strings of time, and I can choose multiple-loves for strings of time. Though I don`t and wouldn't ever cut a secondary off because I wanted to be mono for awhile. When the natural death of a relationship happens, I might choose to be mono for a long time. When I lost a girlfriend I cared about many years ago, I stayed happily monogamous for 4 years. Primary means more to me then someone I chose to share bills and kids with. Its a level of commitment, and depth of love, too.

I don`t feel a 'hole' in my life with only one partner. Loving more then one is a priviledge, I think. For those of us lucky enough, to be able to engage it. There are many people in the world who love more then one person ( think of all the people who carry a torch for a 'old flame', yet are married and love another. ) but are unable to pursue loving more then one, for a variety of reasons.

I feel lucky and blessed when it comes my way, but I don`t turn into a puddle without extra loves in my life. I enjoy my monogamous side, as much as my multiple-loves side.
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