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Old 07-22-2011, 02:34 AM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by sage View Post
Why are you so opposed to a life-long relationship? I think this is the big question here? While I wouldn't go into a relationship with it having to be life-long, if someone was completely against the idea from the outset how could I open myself up emotionally to that person knowing that I had a finite time to be involved and then he would be moving on?

If after a certain period of time being in a relationship one party is wanting serious commitment and the other isn't that's when you address the issue. I don't think you can definitively know how you will feel after giving yourself honestly and lovingly in a relationship.

If all you want is a casual relationship (or relationships) that's a different matter but I would have thought there would be others out there looking for something similar.
Thanks to everyone for thoughtful responses. I used to think that monogamy doesn't have to be for life (maybe why I chose the name 'serialmonogamist') but strangely it disappointed me when my marriage ended. In any case, what sage says to question why I'm opposed to a life long relationship resonates with why potential partners are suspicious of me. I guess I just can't see defining myself with another person the way I once did with my (ex) spouse. It's not that I just arbitrarily want to end any relationship before I get old. I also don't see myself ever definitely saying, "well, there's no one else in this life I could have dated." It seems like there are always potential partners who slip by because of circumstances of some sort or others. So when you commit to a potentially lifelong (monogamous) relationship, you are excluding the possibility of entertaining any other relationship potential. Yet if you don't desire (simultaneous) polyamory, then the question is whether you should identify with polyamory or monogamy. Or can you be both?