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Old 07-21-2011, 09:05 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

Maybe my definition of poly is quite narrow or something along those lines, but they can choose to love all those in order to widen their "field of possible partner material" and later just skipped those that they do not feel enough for and settle down with one of them? Was the feeling for “the rest” there at all if this is possible?

I have problems understanding this, maybe because of my personal situation. To think that there is something like an on/off switch that flips back when "the one and only" comes along is unthinkable now, as far as I am concerned, if there was love beforehand. Because this love should be equal to the one that develops when a new person comes into one's life. Love is too deep and too demanding. I can't imagine how this love can be as committed and lasting as the one, I experienced as love. I have never “chosen” to love someone.

It is hard to judge how a person feels in comparison to oneself, I don't think this is 100% possible in any case at all if I am honest, but for me this would mean: I choose to life polyamorous now and that there could be a time I meet a person more dear to me than my friend or husband now who makes me consider monogamy again and to fall out of love with those two?

To sum this up: isn't polyamory about love? Can one choose to love? And is a chosen love (as far as I understand it, a “forced” one) the same as the one that just develops on it's own?

*mumbles* this really got me confused now *scratches head*
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