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Old 07-21-2011, 07:05 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by just3 View Post
And its frustrating when I have no clue what to do because hes contradicting himself with each sentence.
Right. And most likely that is because his feelings are changing in that short amount of time. One minute it's fine, the next the world is ending. This is exactly why he needs someone to talk to to help him sort through those feelings.

Very stereotypical here, but... men tend to not be able to identify exactly what they are feeling and/or why as easily as women. I read a great book on this by a male therapist, but basically his experience was that while women are often sorting through their feelings, why do I feel this, what does this mean... men do not do this and often they cannot identify what emotion they are feeling, they just know it feels BAD. They feel bad, they want it to stop. If X is making me feel bad, X needs to stop or go away. It becomes that basic. No, this is not healthy, but this is where many men are coming from. It takes WORK to find out why you're reacting to something, to sort through and identify what emotions are really there, to figure out what's real and what you're making up in your head. Here is where a good counselor is helpful.

On your end, basically... no, there really isn't anything you can do to help him with that. What you can do, is see someone to talk through the frustration with, and help you see that his conflicting daily emotions are not your responsibility, and you need to let them happen, but yet not get sucked into them so that they are affecting you so much. No this is not easy, it takes practice like most skills. But that's where counseling helps. Someone you can vent the frustration to, who will help you see what you can do to help, and what you can STOP doing to help and when to just sit back and let him deal.

I know as women sometimes it's really hard for us to understand how somebody can NOT know what they are feeling or why... it's just one of those things we have to accept as a difference.
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