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Old 10-20-2009, 02:33 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

I know my reply is a bit of a tangent but I am sure all these questions will go through people's minds so why not tackle them.

One of the beauties of this forum is the honesty that people express themselves. Through this honesty others get to learn and without a doubt Redpepper and I are honest.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

I think the fear for Mono is that I will want to go and search for other men to sleep with and love like I do him. My fear is that I will hurt him in some way without even knowing just by being me.
Totally agreed Lilo! The reasons for my fear are bang on. I have a good grasp of your fear I believe as well. Redpepper comes from a much more sex positive, sexually open background. Sexually open refers to talking about personal details and excitement in discussing/exploring sexuality in general. I often marvel at how much she shares about me and our relationship with other people without my awareness. We just talked about this and I am comfortable with this now.

It doesn't take much to affect my energy, so we try to cover our bases in great detail like before we attended a BDSM event. There is also a good chance I will sit our next poly meeting out because the topic is an energy land mine for me - SEX! Through in depth talks about things we avoid inadvertently crossing lines that would be hard to come back from.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
my problem is not letting it make me feel as if it is conditional love...
Anyone who reads my posts will probably say that I am "conditional" in my love. I would certainly comment about that! I am in fact conditional but it is conditional in how I will express my to love you, not in that I will love you. Loving you is not an option, I simply do and that won't change

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think I will have avoided the real issues if I were to break this commitment.
There is nothing to avoid, I am black and white in this. This isn't a negative in my eyes, this is complete clarity. I know I will take a little heat for sure from a lot of people in this but in cases of definitive boundaries there should be radical honesty.

I fully expect people to question the resilience of our relationship after reading this thread. We do not live in a fairy tale world, we are very realistic. Just this weekend Redpepper and I had a serious and sad discussion about sustainability of our love as it is. I have my concerns about it; I am not so sure our different natures and social backgrounds/circles can come to terms in a long term healthy way in the "forever" sense. I do know we will be connected and always share love however. The key is that I am not letting doubts prevent me from moving forward towards a goal of family acceptance, family integration and a lifelong fulfilling commitment in which all of us are happy and healthy.

What more can any relationship hope for?

Peace and love

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-20-2009 at 03:14 PM.
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