I can see where you're coming from-- that you feel like you didn't jump into things until he convinced you it was ok and as soon as you found someone you care about the brown stuff hit the oscillating device.
One thing I've realized going through some of this stuff, is that there's a BIG difference in what you think is great intellectually, and then how that stuff affects you mentally and emotionally when it is a REALITY and not some fantasy in your head.
Basically it just brought out all of the stuff that was bothering him about himself, his job, etc. this WHOLE time. Yes, it would have been nice if he could just tell you what's bothering him, but honestly for most people this is hard, and stereotypically it can be much harder for men as they are not as used to tossing their emotions around in their head to figure them out like us women can be.
I would definitely try seeing this as something that put a spotlight on cracks and issues between the two of you that you need to work out together-- with the help of somebody who can help you keep the conversation on track, ask pertinent questions, and give you the tools to communicate better to each other and help you become stronger together.
What I'm seeing is that your hubs is feeling like a bad provider, and for men that can be traumatic as sometimes that is THE most important role they see themselves in. Helping him see that he's so much more than that to you, and figure out ways to improve the situation will help tremendously.